11:25AM
Done my resit exam. Cross-fingers for the result.
I went straightly home, while waiting my Leg to come home from his classes I took out the exam paper and count the total marks of the questions that I've answered.
I breakdown to tears as I found out that the marks is lower than the passing mark.
Directly texted Leg that I couldn't get thru, I'm so sad. He thought I'm joking but then when he finally home and checked it for me.
I finally know what's the problem. I didn't aim questions that has more mark it's true I didn't calculate the marks before I answered. I should targeted questions that have bigger marks. Gosh why didn't it knock me head on that moment. Not only that, my speed writing is slow there goes together with my time management.
I got so devastated, I lost appetite for lunch, and it hurts like you lose someone you love. I cried every minutes and feel like giving up. Worst, feel like dropping out Uni. Because I thought I could pass this resit exam and continue the study plan I had made. Now the plan has changed. I'm so sad.
I called my big sister for some advice, I told her I don't want this. I want to quit this degree. I can't do it. I give up.
She asked me what happened, then we talked for hours, she comforts me by saying that I am nearly there. This is my last year. And the days are so quick passing by eventually this will passed to and I can do this. One thing that got me burst to tears was when she asked me to eat ice-cream or eat sandwiches have my yummy lunch. It's true I haven't eat yet since morning and I really want to eat ice-cream too.
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Leg offered to takeaways food for me but I force myself to go out with him. I'm glad I did, I feel a little better but still when I see the food I feel like nausea. And as soon as I want to buy an ice-cream I saw the dessert truck, he's here!
It's been so long I wanna catch it, I really missed the ABC Chinese dessert.
Bought a big cup.
I'm cheery after that.
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Went to an evening class, first lesson of measurement 3, learning how to plot and cross section. Awesome ;)
I love measurement 3 but I can't go for measurement 3
if I don't passed my measurement 2 (the one that i resit).
T.T
P/S - Sharon asked me how's the exam, I told her I think I couldn't make it. Then my Leg elbow me when he realizes i sound very negative, yeah he's right thanks to him i dislike me being negative toward it too. But why does it feels good to say that I think I can't make it, it is honest is it? I hate it, I hate that I see myself failed. I hate going through this..
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Later that night,
today I learned something,
after allowing myself to be honest to feel negative about the situation, I realize the more negative I am the more coward and fear I feel. When I allow myself to feel down and hating this courses I think it makes me lose my confidence and having low self-esteem. When my friends talk to me in the class I feel shy and feels like hiding. Ironically, for the past few days, there is a question keep wandering in my mind, figuring what makes people being negative and likes to complain. I get it now, it's because I feel everything is not working with me. I got irritated. All i see is bleak. However, I see both situations now being a negative person and a positive person. I chose to be positive because when I am positive I feel comfort, an unconditional love about myself and no fear, plus I got braver and courage and it help me to go further.
Moreover, I love to see people smiles when they see me happy.
<3 I end this with the greatest love from the Highest of the Universe pouring our hearts with love and feeling loved.
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